Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Where has my optimistic self gone?

I don't feel like I am the type to worry.  I always seem to deal with the problem at hand and take things one at a time.  I do like to plan, so when things come up out of the blue I am a little taken back, but I still continue to go with the flow.  No need to get yourself in a panic, because that seems to only make things worse.  Lately I have to keep reminding myself that I am like this.   On August 5th at around 2 AM, I was awoken by a terrible headache, quite possibly the worst I have ever had.  At the time I didn't think much of it.  I got up, took some Advil and drank some water and got back in bed.  It took a while, but I was able to go back to sleep.  Every day since then I have had a headache.  I have been maybe 3 hours at a time that I have not had a headache at all, otherwise I have a constant pressure headache.  Every other day just about, I get another splitting, terrible headache.  I have not found any medicine that can make it go away.  Jon wanted me to go to the hospital the morning that it woke me up, but I refused, thinking it would just go away.  It obviously has not gone away.  I finally made a doctor's appointment and went on Monday.  They gave me a shot of Demerol and Phenergan that was supposed to "knock this thing out."  Well all it did was knock me out, I slept and slept and slept.  When I finally woke up I still had a headache.  I had blood work drawn, and then more blood work drawn because some of my original blood work was "abnormal."  Apparently my TSH level is high, which would indicate hypothyroidism.  I had a repeat TSH drawn along with a T4, to determine if I really do have hypothyroidism. (I will find out those results tomorrow) Another reason I could have a high TSH is if I have a tumor.  I will have a MRI/MRA in the morning, that will let us know if I have a head bleed (which is what Jon originally was thinking), a tumor, or some other abnormality.   I then will follow-up with the doctor this coming Monday.  Until then I have been instructed to take Ibuprofen 600mg three times a day...that is a lot of Ibuprofen, and it is not helping!  Throughout the past 20 days I have been relatively calm about all of it.  Now,  I am starting to freak out inside a little.  I don't like not having answers.  I know that I am on the way to having an answer, but what if it's something bad?   Why am I thinking like that?  I am never pessimistic, or negative, or worrisome.  Why now?!   I am constantly reminding myself lately that if God will lead you to it, He will lead you through it.  I must stay strong in my faith and believe in Him, and know that he has a purpose and a meaning for all of this.  I also have to find that optimistic, positive, hopeful person that has gone in to hiding inside of me and bring her back to life again!  I will post results/answers as I get them...

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  -Isaiah 41:10

1 comment:

Jamiee said...

Oh friend I hope everything is ok. Thinking of you and praying all this will go away